How limited, stuck or perhaps even demotivated do you really feel in life in terms of your professional life your relationship, your current lifestyle, your routine, your hobbies, your personality, your skills, knowledge, talent … essentially with any aspect of your existence?
Now there is good news and bad news. The good news is – No matter what your excuses or reasons are, there could be a way out, if you truly desire that change.
The bad news is – No matter what your excuses or reasons are, there would be a way out ONLY if you truly desire that change.
So, what’s so difficult about truly desiring something? Here are 3 obstacles to truly appreciating and realizing the magnificence of your desires and the positive impact it could have in your life and your purpose:
1. Worthlessness and Blame:
When you truly desire something, it can leave you blinded to other possibilities because you may physically or mentally not be capable or permitted to fulfill that desire. For example, a 45-year-old commerce graduate working as a teller and have some ongoing health issues has a burning desire to travel into space. Now because of age, health and field of study, there is no scope for space travel. And since wages are not too high, it is practically impossible to even consider booking a space flight. This unfulfillment of desire because of specific limitations and required qualifications constantly plays on this person’s mind and he feels that his entire life is worthless because this single burning desire is impossible and ‘unfairly’ impractical to fulfil. This man lives his mundane life only thinking – ‘I wish I could go to space’. It’s almost like even if he thinks about doing something else, he feels either guilty about even considering something else or fears that what if he cannot fulfil that as well or just prefers sulking with life thinking I can’t get to go to space so I don’t want anything else. And hence the phrase gets developed ‘Life is a joke’. Well, if you consider joking around with it by sulking, it’s going to play the same game with you.
2. Excuses:
Desiring something is not just about wanting something badly and announcing it to everybody that you want it and writing it down and putting up boards. It involves believing in your capabilities and your options and altering your mindset and attitude on a more holistic level. It involves taking responsibility and not providing excuses and assigning blame. But what tends to happen is, you consider that desire only as a desire, a dream which you have accepted to be unachievable or impractical for you. Therefore, you start finding excuses for not pursuing it. For example, Let’s say you desire to become a millionaire. You keep talking about it, keep thinking about it and a small percentage of people perhaps even envision themselves doing something that is making them a millionaire. But when the time comes to take that first step, people tend to shy away and rely on excuses, all under the pretext that what if they take the efforts and fail. So, excuses start coming up, I get tired after work, I spend time with family on weekends, I have no money to start my business, I have to feed my family etc. and so I can’t focus on anything else. Is it can’t or is it won’t? What have you done until now that shows that you can’t? And if you’ve done something, tried and failed what else have you done? What caused the failure? What is your failure threshold before you give up? Is this the definition of you and is this your full potential?
I don’t know the answers that you consider to be true. But know that whatever your answers are, they are true for you. No one can change your perceptive reality about yourself. People will say you can do more, you can be more, or people will say it’s not possible for you to do this or not worth doing that. But ultimately history is evidence that whatever a person decides to do ultimately becomes their reality.
My only strong message that I want to share is that even your thoughts, let alone your action must never infringe on the safety, trust, self-respect or honour of another person.
3. Fear:
In conjunction with excuses, blame or worthlessness, fear is the driving force. Some of the common fears one might instinctively face when thinking about pursuing their goals:
• Fear of Failure – Some believe that if they attempt to take up something or act on something they desire, they will fail just like they did ‘the last time’ or because the goal seems too steep for them.
• Fear of Failing or upsetting others – We often set aside our dreams because people we know who care about us either express their thoughts about our dreams and our limitations. They may do it out of love, concern, or jealousy. When they express their thoughts about our desires or dreams, we feel obligated to listen to them and follow their advice, because if you did still pursue it, they would ‘feel bad’ or ‘under-valued’.
I earlier mentioned – your action must never infringe on the safety, trust, values, ability, self-respect, or honour of another person.
Don’t misinterpret this statement here. This statement means that your actions must not harm a person physically or mentally. Examples of mental harm are spreading lies, rumours or gossip about them, insulting or shaming them, abusing them.
In this segment, pursuing your dreams irrespective of others’ advice or feelings may cause them sadness or discomfort, but that is their prerogative and ego. Essentially, they are the ones who are infringing upon your ability, values and trust cultivated by you. They may have been taking care of you, nurtured you, supported you for a long time. But that was done out of love. If you believe or they feel that it’s time for you to do what they tell you to, then this nurture can be argued that it is not purely out of love but mixed with some vested interests or as an investment. It may sound harsh, but it is the truth. If you’re a parent and say you have dreams that your daughter becomes a doctor, how would you feel if she turns out to become a professional photographer. Would you feel cheated that you took care of her all those years only for her to say no to being a doctor or would you feel happy knowing that she is living the life she wants to live, doing what she loves doing?
• Fear of Missing out – Assuming you are not a meticulous, to-the-second planner, do you consciously always think about the time you spend snacking, watching TV, shopping, napping, going out with friends etc.?
If not, what compels you to take out a book and pen every time you plan out on working on your goals? Instead, what prevents you from directly starting off on your action plan when you get the time and finishing when you’re satisfied you’ve done enough for the day? After all aren’t you working towards your desires and dreams? You probably already know the answers; you cherish your desires and dreams but give more importance to other unimportant aspects of your lives, not because they are more important to you than your desires, but because you are subconsciously habituated to these pleasures and believe that you will miss out completely on life if you take away even a fraction off of that time you spend on these pleasures.
• Fear of Shame – This fear arises in conjunction with fear of failure. If I begin working on my desires, especially if others are advising me against it and if I fail, then I will feel so embarrassed and humiliated. I will have to face a barrage of I-told-you-so’s. I will be mocked at, and could be perceived as an ‘all-talk-no-action’ kind of person.
• Fear of Being imperfect – This is about feeling the need to execute and get results to absolute perfection. There is a difference between giving your best shot by putting in your 100% and being obsessed with every detail that can be perceived to be imperfect or be done better. Again, this is only a perception, because there is no guarantee that your sense of perfection would be perceived the same way by someone else. This obsession can lead to you being stagnant because of some details that don’t match your sense of perfection or can lead to frustration when you feel that you have done your absolute best but don’t get the results or feedback you expect.
