There are millions of people out there who set goals, act, and achieve, and there are many more who dream, don’t act, and don’t achieve. Yet, there are comparatively fewer who feel fulfilled and happy in their lives, whether they achieve their interim goals or not.
They focus on their goals or dreams and not their own relationship with these. They want something or want to achieve something because:
• Of what the world subtly tells them or
• They want what others may have or
• They feel this is in the best interest of the people they care about.
And there is absolutely nothing wrong with pursuing these goals; in fact, it is almost impractical not to do so. But when dreams and goals which are not heartfelt are all that you chase, that’s when the melancholy sets in.
Say, you quit your old job…you’re relieved, you get hired at a new place you’re ecstatic…for 2 weeks or at best a few months. What happens then is, while your commitment to the job may be at an all-time high and unwavering, your passion for life, your level of ecstasy promptly nose-dives. Because in your heart what you truly want is to probably find a way to ensure your work-life is more meaningful, fair, and pleasant. Or, perhaps what you want is totally unrelated like travelling the world, starting a business, converting a hobby into a profession, learning, or upskilling but all that you are left with is wanting.
The same thing happens in other aspects of your life like your health-life, social-life, your relationship/s, your finances, your business.
Let’s face it, no matter what the positive thinkers and speakers scream and convince you about, sometimes you just have to do what you have to do. If you’re a single parent with 3 children working 2 or more jobs, being left with $20 at the end of the month and a rolling debt, no one’s going to donate $50000 to you, saying ‘go do something better with your life’. It is tough and there is no sugar-coating this fact. I’ll even go on to taking your side here and acknowledging with you that there is no other option. But that’s about where I can stop siding with you and begin guiding you. And I’m going to start by taking you back to the absolute basic step. You started off with doing something because of how you felt it serves you. You felt happy that you are making extra money, you felt a small wave of relief that you secured a job. You are continuing because it still serves you with your need. What the mind is feeling more of now is that it has become a routine, you are tired of it, you are seeking more. And that is a sign of progress. Now forget everything else. Just think about that moment when you got the job. What positive feelings did you have? I can pay the rent, I can provide my family with better food, I can begin clearing part of my debt. Use that positivity because you are still able to do this with what you are doing. And focus on what more is needed. The obvious answer is money. But, to get that money, what would you need? I can give examples, but I cannot decide for you. Maybe your first step is to talk to the right sources to gain information on what you can do to make more money like upskilling, job opportunities, etc. If you’re thinking ‘I have tried everything’, stop saying that and try again. ‘Everything’ is a self-pitying, dramatic word which serves no purpose to you other than gaining sympathy from people who at most will side with your plight and comment, ‘Oh, my…You tried everything. That’s tough…life is bad, but you will get through. I wish I could do something to help’.
Wake up. Drama is going to get you nowhere. Try, try and try again. When you are in the midst of trying there is automatically no scope for self-pity and weakness but only grit, and at the least an ounce of satisfaction when you have tried something else and that you will try something else tomorrow. Attitude is everything. Melancholy is just a state of an idle mind. It may sound harsh and unfair, especially if you’re slogging day and night. But know that you have this melancholy mindset because you have internally given up and submitted yourself to your fate. Take a break if you feel you’ve tried a lot. But come back and try again. I don’t know if you need guidance, coaching or a hand. If you do, reach out to someone who you trust will not judge you or pity you, and trusts in your abilities, even if you are unable to see it clearly for now.
I for one can show you that you are more, but I would also need you to be willing to open your eyes and mind to possibilities, options, and new directions. ‘Life is not what happens to you, it is what you make of it’. If you think that this is just some cheesy cliched line, then this is what I am talking about opening your mind to. Get real, take responsibility, and begin taking action, even if it means taking the time to adjust to your new mindset…but get to it soon. People are there to help you…I am here! What’s your excuse?
It’s not about directly taking a 180° turn, but about systematically and meticulously taking small steps towards your goals, realizing possibilities, and rediscovering yourself as you reach every milestone in that journey, and along the journey of pursuing each milestone.
